i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just want nice things and good sex
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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