I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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