doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
