Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So vagazzling was a success
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize