I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
