I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
