I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
