Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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