So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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