I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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