So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
