I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize