There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I did not marry a roomba.
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