Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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