I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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