Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
