Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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