my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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