he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
