im drinking this country out of the recession.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
this just has baby written all over it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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