I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
