# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize