piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
