Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
