I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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