I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
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This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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