You're so nebulous sometimes
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
