woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
