I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
even my farts smell like vagina
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
