i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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