I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
