just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
