No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
