He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I've blown a few things in my day
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
