I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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