I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
