Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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