Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
