i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
