You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
