Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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