FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
