i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
