Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
