I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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