these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
