alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
