well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
