please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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