dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
