3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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