I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
