we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
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thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
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I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months