The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?