If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize