He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
