4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
