I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
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