whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
